Come on, people. Are you kidding me?

Seriously.  I am not sharing my room!

Posted by Kristina in Musings at 03:58 PM Permalink

I hope you all had a fabulous and happy Halloween!  Good luck to everyone who is embracing the craziness that is NaNoWriMo!

October is looming and I can’t believe how much I have going on, plus the way I keep agreeing to even more stuff.  So far the list looks like this:

• Dream Lover is due October 1
• Jay’s CO’s farewell dinner, October 4
• 20th wedding anniversary, October 7 (day trip to Williamsburg, most likely)
• Possibly an anniversary brunch or gathering sometime the weekend of October 8-9
• Solo trip to Portland, OR around October 14-17 (still need to make travel plans)
• Definitely two readings in Portland, probably one reading in Lincoln City
• Family trip to Chicago, mid-October to hang with best friend & gang (still need to make travel plans)
• Much to do in Chicago (plus maybe schedule a reading?)
• Freelance editing gig, due November 1
• Several writing deadlines between October 15 & November 1
• Need to pitch next anthology idea (or two)—need to brainstorm those ideas!
• Fall goodness-- decorating and pumpkin buying and nesting, whee!
• Halloween-- baby’s first!

It doesn’t seem like that much and two years ago it wouldn’t have phased me. (Last October, I was in the hugely-pregnant-totally-exhausted stage.)  But this year? Whew. Having an active little baby to factor in to all plans makes everything seem a bit more… complicated.  It’ll all work out and I’m looking forward to most of it, but boy will I be tired by the end of the month!

Luckily, things will slow down in Novem...er… next year?

It is the first day of school and though I’m not (currently) a student, this time of year still brings out the organizer and planner in me. (It also brings out my secret desire for a Trapper Keeper). I am baffled by the number of blogs, e-mail addresses and social networking thingamabobs I have. How did that happen?  Once upon a time, I had an e-mail address where I received maybe one or two e-mails a day (usually from Jay) and that was enough to make me happy. Those were simple days.

Oh, the times they have changed! Now I have two Blogger blogs in addition to this blog. I’m on Facebook and Twitter and Tumblr (and MySpace, though I pretty much abandoned it for Facebook).

I share more than my words on the internet. I share my memories and my dreams, too.  I have photos on Flickr and a long neglected wishlist on Amazon (and a pretty, shiny book!).

I have profiles on GoodReads, Shelfari and LinkedIn, but I couldn’t tell you the last time I was on any of them.  One of these days, I’ll probably be more active on YouTube and whatever other current fads are.

I read this recently on Shanna Germain’s wonderful blog and nodded in agreement:

So, it’s a toss-up, I think. Where to put your time and energy. Where to put your trust. Where to meet your friends and readers. Sometimes I want to spread out, build a big wide web of resources and marketing and words from this tree to one on the other side of the world, catching everything I can. Other times I want to fold in, make a beautiful perfect little net in the corner and then see what marvelous delights come to me.

There are days when I just want to disconnect, shut it all down, go off the grid. Hibernate. I remember back to 1995 or so, and how I was quite happy without all of these distractions and I wonder if I’d miss it. I think I’d miss some of it. I think.

What about you?

I’m stealing an hour to myself at Starbucks, presumably to catch up on e-mail (which I did) and write (which I haven’t), but really it’s just an hour of time to myself.  With the exception of the two baristas who are working, Starbucks is empty and I’m blissfully alone.  Of course, I’m not really alone at all since I’m sitting in a public place and I’m tethered to various technologies that make it easy for anyone to reach me.  But it feels like I’m alone and for the past almost eight months, feeling like I’m alone is the best I can really do.

I’m a bad mother.  A bad wife.  A bad friend.  A bad writer, too, truth be told.  See, I like being alone.  Sometimes.  I’m not looking to move to the woods and live in a cabin a al the Unibomber, but I enjoy my alone time.  Which is why I can look at my adorable baby and his cute father who has been gone all week and say, “I’m going to Starbucks for an hour” without any sense of guilt.  Okay, maybe there’s a little guilt.  Okay, there’s a lot of guilt. Just like there’s guilt when I tell friends I’m too busy working to make social plans, when what I’m really doing is sitting in my corner of Starbucks, doing… whatever.  Presumably writing (or doing the editor thing), but sometimes-- not often, but sometimes-- I’m just sitting here, daydreaming and enjoying the time alone.  Sometimes… oh my… I even ignore my texts and e-mails and just revel in my aloneness.

I’ll take the guilt over the smothered-by-people feeling I get when I’ve gone too long without any time alone.  I love my life and the people in it, but sometimes… a girl just needs to be alone.  I could use some real alone time.  A hotel room, room service, maybe a city to explore completely on my own.  That’s what I’m doing sometimes when I’m alone at Starbucks-- planning trips or at least hotel overnighters where it’s just me and my thoughts.  I’m thinking I might even make it happen one of these days.  Oh, the guilt!  Oh, the bliss!  But for now, it’s an hour to myself in my neighborhood coffee shop, taking a breath and finding my center (along with getting my caffeine fix).  This little slice of stolen time makes me a happier person.  So maybe even though I feel like a bad mother, wife, friend and writer, perhaps I’m actually better for the time I steal for myself. Perhaps I have more to give when I give to myself first.

And on that note, I’m off to be not alone.  Until tomorrow, at least.